Today, the physical and mental demands of ‘ordinary life’ often leave us feeling exhausted and disconnected. We are not just tired, but truly exhausted and we feel disconnected from our work, our family and our community. At the Institute for Mindful Leadership, this reality has resulted in many clients and organizations asking us for workshops on mindful leadership and resilience.
Is the chronic exhaustion and disconnection ‘cured’ by learning how to cultivate resilience? If so, can resilience be built through some formula or app, or identifying some ideal of work/life balance? What if the cure for ‘too much to do in too little time’ is much simpler and requires no technology?
Let me explain.
When you are moving through your life at warp speed, it is easy to ignore the signals from your own body and your own wisdom. The signals that tell us that something is missing, or something is wrong. Instead, you forge ahead, ignoring what is here and draining all reserves until you find ourself so depleted that you are unable to do anything more than go through the motions of your life. You rush through the day, juggling all the balls in the air hoping that nothing falls.
Living On Autopilot
If this sounds true for you, you are not alone. Most of the professionals I work with through the Institute for Mindful Leadership would agree that they have many days where it feels as if they are living on autopilot. They put their head down and plow through the day, barely aware of what they are doing. These days often result in the 3am wake-up call from your mind rehashing and criticizing what you did or said, or how you failed to get anything off the ‘to-do’ list. Your inner critic wants to know why this is happening and the only time it is quiet enough to break through the busy mind is at 3 am. For most of us, this sleep interruption is also not a time to listen to the question, it is a time to push it away and try to get back to sleep. So, nothing changes.
The good news is that you can learn to listen again to those signals, and when you do, you are opening yourself to the deep understanding of self-compassion. As you practice cultivating compassion, you are likely to feel a pull toward an act of kindness toward yourself. And these acts are very often the ones that help you cultivate resilience and model for others a way for them to do the same.
As an example, I worked with a young doctor who came on retreat a few years ago. He had become a successful specialist by working extremely hard and now had a thriving practice. As he began to explore a compassion practice, really listening to his own wisdom and the clear messages of exhaustion coming from his body, many questions began to arise. And with patience, he also began to gain some insight into the choices he was making that came from unreasonable expectations and taking on unnecessary extra burdens. The space and stillness of this simple practice which can be explored in a few minutes each day, allowed him to really challenge the status quo. Compassion practice opens the door to our heart and our wisdom in a way that invites us to offer an act of kindness t ourselves. In his case, by offering self-compassion, he was first able to acknowledge him exhaustion and the ego driven choices that contributed to it, and then to commit to some changes.
If you are ready to explore this possibility, try these 3 simple steps:
1. Find 5-10 minutes to sit comfortably in a quiet place. Allow your eyes to close and bring your attention to the sensations in your body.
2. What do you notice? Do you feel warm, cool, tired? Are you noticing any areas of discomfort? If your attention wanders away, bring it back. Let your body sensations take center stage. Listen.
3. As your mind and body begin to settle, offer yourself a few phrases of self-compassion:
May I feel safe
May I feel strong and healthy
May I feel happy
Try repeating these phrases slowly three times. Do you notice any other body sensations as you say them.
4. When you are ready, ask yourself these questions: what act of kindness is called for today? What change can you experiment with today to support your intention to be safe, strong, healthy and happy? How will this act of kindness toward yourself cultivate greater resilience?
Be patient and listen for the answer to arise from your inherent wisdom.