Whether it is in the workplace or at home, we have all experienced times when we are at an impasse with someone. We simply can’t find a way to have a productive dialog. Every one of our attempts to communicate ends up with feelings of defensiveness, anger or hurt… on both sides. It can feel like a Groundhog Day loop, replaying the same old scenario and talking right past one another. When you find yourself in this situation, here are a few mindful communication steps to try:
- Check in with yourself
How are you showing up for the dialog? Have you already written a ‘full length feature film’ about how the encounter will unfold? Take a few minutes to check in with yourself before the meeting. Am I present for this moment? Can I take some time to connect with my mind, body and heart so I show up as my best self?
- Don’t live in the past
How much baggage are you bringing to the moment? Are you rehashing past attempts to communicate? Are you already assuming how things will work out? Thoughts like these will sabotage the connection needed to truly communicate with another person. Try to let go of the past and form an intention to just be open and curious about what will unfold. When you arrive with an open mind and open heart, it is felt by the other person, and the impact may surprise you.
- Do what you can to make the other person feel connected
There are many ways to do this. Here are some examples:
Many people can’t truly listen until they feel as though they have been heard. It might be helpful in this instance to mutually agree to speak in monologue, uninterrupted by comments and questions until finished. And then, reverse roles. Without this uninterrupted time, the heart of the matter may never surface before everything begins to devolve.
Look for a way to connect on another topic before addressing the one that is causing all the friction. Multiple connections can smooth the way to true dialog about the difficult topic.
Look for a way to ask the other person for some help. Vulnerability and trust often open doors. And working together to solve an issue creates a successful, feel good connection for both people.
Finding ways to use mindful approaches to come together, and authentically connect, is the answer to all communications, especially the difficult ones.